


Realization

by joufancyhuh



Series: To Know A Vael [8]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fill, Sebastian's POV, pre-DA2, set during Ashes to Ashes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 06:37:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17699483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joufancyhuh/pseuds/joufancyhuh
Summary: Sebastian realizes he cares about Hawke as more than a friend.





	Realization

**Author's Note:**

> I am terrible at prompt fills. Sometime last year, poweredbycoffeeandwine asked, "I'll make it official, my dear. ;-) Could you pretty please, with sugar on top write the moment Sebastian realized he might have feelings for Kalea, more than physical attraction? (From Ashes to Ashes)" 
> 
> So here we are. And with this came a few other realizations that I will mention at the end.
> 
>  
> 
> [Set directly before this chapter in Ashes to Ashes. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13016271/chapters/30557424)

Wintry winds snap at Sebastian’s frozen cheeks, snowflakes gathered in his eyelashes as he pulls tighter the hood around his face, struggling to follow Kalea’s icy stomps ahead on what remains of the path. Her anger, visceral, cold, beats against them both as they fight to return from the Frostback Basin.

In a way, he’s used to it, the ire of others aimed in his direction. His parents, pissed that he didn’t go into the Chantry willingly, his brothers inheriting that second-hand anger so that the palace no longer felt any more like a home than the Chantry did. Grand Cleric Elthina, her wrath came more subtle; disapproving looks and tsking under her breath, often accompanied by exasperated sighs. And then he came here, to Ferelden, for rage to follow him in the form of shouting and often a chase by the guards. Not that he didn’t deserve that one.

And Kalea, she now no different from the rest of them. Carrying the coldness he grew accustomed to in Starkhaven, the silence. But the way she looks at him when she thinks he doesn’t see…

Her eyes speak vulnerability, of a wound he opened inside of her that she covers with anger. And he realizes he hurt her. And for whatever reason, his chest grows tight and shame floods through him as he quickly turns from it, pretending not to see.

He shouldn’t have kissed her.

But Maker, when he did, the press of his mouth to hers awakened a ravenous hunger inside him that refused to sate. What magic did she cast on him to make him obsess in this way? That not even an orgy quenched his thirsting for her? Nothing he did rid himself of the memory of her touch, or what followed; the startled and upset look in her firelit copper eyes or how quickly she ran away to hide from him.

And the guilt pooled in his stomach following her rapid departure, leaving him alone by the fireside to replay their kiss. She did lean into it, didn’t she? Or did he imagine it, so caught up in his desire for her? Bu her silence speaks where her tongue does not, and he knows that this, too, he ruined.

He recalls the trip to the basin, her warmth he basked in, how many times he woke to her staring at him with those shining copper eyes, a sleepy grin on her face. The heat of her body shared with his, limbs tangled together, her hair a knotted, wild mess. The smell of her lingers in his bedroll still.

 _Gone_. Lost in the vicious winds of the mountains as they struggle to reach the other side. And all he wants to do is to reach for her, bring her back into his arms because he craves her like he craved freedom and power and sex back in Starkhaven.

But not only to hold her. He misses the sound of her laughter, the wide smile on her face when she looks at him or when he calls her Pigeon. Those innocent mornings with her and helping each other set up the tent and cooking together. And when hair falls into her face and all he wants to do is brush it away.

It terrifies him to think of it now as something of the past.

And if only the apology wasn’t frozen in his throat, leaving him to choke on it while she storms ahead, a storm herself. And when the quiet of her anger can contain them no longer, he speaks.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course it took Kalea getting hurt for Sebastian to realize his feelings. OF COURSE. And of course writing this made me realize Sebastian didn't know why she was mad and that in his perspective, he forced himself on her when he kissed her, given her chain of reactions. Which meant I had to retcon myself once again and edit the argument that followed in Ashes, which is supposed to be a finished fic and I just need to move on with my life without anymore editing or anymore retconning.


End file.
